The ACCLAIM Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

Spoil your girl this Friday and she won’t be the only one unwrapping some gifts. GEDDIT?

Words

A piece of art



FACT: Girls love art but rarely invest in it. Do you even KNOW how much expense is involved in being a girl? Then there’s rent, food, outings, etcetera. WE BROKE MANE. We can’t afford prints and framing and shit. And then who’s gonna hang this thing? This is where you come in. There are awesome prints for every budget. My favourite place for prints is Poster Child. This Curtis Kulig one is a no brainer. This would also be a great one for a fuck-buddy. Locally Dangerfork has some nice ones and if your girl is into something with a little dancehall flair, Sydney artist Robin Clare has some great prints and cushions here. Don’t half-ass it. Frame that shit, even if it’s just IKEA and then hang it up in her room or at least make the offer! DIY is HOT.

A bangle



Rings are corny and necklaces are hit and miss. If you wanna buy a piece of jewellery, buy a bangle or bracelet. They are more low-key than the other two, plus there’s heaps of cool ones around with a price to match everyone’s income. Got some money to spend? This Dries Van Noten two tone Rolex cuff is perfect for the girl who’s a little too ‘fashun’ to like frivolous, girly stuff. If your woman is a little more street and you’re a little more skint? This Moschino cuff is FIRE and reasonably priced. If you’re not sure what she’s into, firstly: why are you even with this girl? Secondly, just get her something with her name letter on it. These little Kate Spade bangles are sweet and conservative. Here’s hoping she’s not called Amy, Catherine, Julia, Karen, Phoebe, Rachel or Zara though…

A sexy book



Books are a cute gift and whilst at first they appear not sexy, they actually kinda are because they make a girl feel like you consider them cultured and artsy, which is hot. But to make sure your gift ain’t gonna send your ass to the friendzone, make sure it’s a SEXY book. No, not some tacky mum-porn a la 50 Shades of Grey, but a sexy arty book like a Helmut Newton retrospective or Playboy’s Greatest Covers. (Girls love naked girls too. I know, it’s weird.) If you wanna go a little more abstract with it, buy her a copy of anything by Anaïs Nin. She’s an OG erotic writer and her work is kinky as SHIT but actually really hot. Any chick I know who has read it has an absolute boner for it, so if you buy her one of these books, you are guaranteed some fun nights ahead. I read one on a plane once and had to put it away as it was just… I don’t know. Just buy it.

A designer handbag



All girls like designer bags. Even if they say they don’t, they probably do and if they actually don’t care for designer stuff, then they probably also don’t care for Valentine's Day either, so you’re kinda off the hook! For the other 90% of females, however, luxury brand bags are the kinda thing they wouldn’t buy themselves but something they’d like to own, so this is your cue to make that dream come true! There’s a heap of sites out there, but, in terms of shipping, Shopbop is the winner: free international shipping for orders over $100 and it’s QUICK. So which brand? A basic guide: if she’s ‘fashioney’ get Alexander Wang. If she’s cool but a little more conservative, shop 3.1 Phillip Lim. If she’s cutesy/quirky go Charlotte Olympia. And if she’s more ‘street’ hit MCM. There really is a designer bag for every kind of girl out there. Those big brands are smart.

Lingerie



Lingerie is fraught with obstacles but if you nail it, you are guaranteed to see her in it later, so it really is a win-win. If you’re low on time, go to a department store, keep away from 80% of the shit in there and just buy something from Stella McCartney or Agent Provocateur. Generally avoid thongs (in girl-land they’re kinda passé. I know, it’s a shame) and with the bra, get something lacey/meshy that’s a soft cup (no wire) and completely impractical. These kinds of bras are more forgiving with sizing. Ideally you would ditch department stores and get something from this label called Lonely. You can buy online and all of it is the kind of sexy stuff she would actually wanna wear but also the sort of thing you’ll appreciate *wink wink*. I’m a fan of the flimsy ‘bralette’ styles and most girls will be too. If your girl is stacked however, something with an underwire is probably gonna be necessary unless she’s a genetic freak, in which case, *high five*.

Perfume



Perfume is a no brainer but there are two schools of thought with this one. You can go with what you know is her ‘signature’ scent (all girls have one. just snoop around her room), or you can go with something new that you like and you think suits her. The latter is a bit of a risk, but, if pulled off, it is a total Clooney-esque power-move that will seriously have her smitten. Every time she puts on that scent she’ll feel all loved up and sexy and most importantly: she’ll be thinking of you. Just don’t buy anything celebrity or mummish, but rather get something a little different from an indie perfume brand. Places like Klein’s and Mecca have a good range. If you decide to go with her signature scent however, buy a big ass gift set. FLEX!

Something from COMME des GARÇONS PLAY



COMME des GARÇONS PLAY gets its own slide altogether because I really think it’s slept-on as a great Valentine's Day gift idea. All of the items are cute, cool AND feature a goddamn love heart. What are you waiting for? You can buy heaps of it online. The Cons are super cute, as are all the tees. But something to remember… this is Japanese sizing people, so it is SMALL. Few Australian woman will fit a Japanese small. If she’s normally a small, go medium and so forth.

Send her flowers



Nothing original here, but flowers will never go out of style, especially on a day like Valentine’s Day. Flowers are basically blowjobs for girls. They are welcome at any time and will always be relevant. The difference however, is that they are completely appropriate in a workplace and thus you should definitely send her flowers to her office. It’s corny but women enjoy public declarations of love. But, moreso, they enjoy other women in the office sitting on their desk and fawning over their bunch of long stems. Even if she’s embarrassed she’ll still secretly be into it.

A pair of sneakers



Sneakers are a cool gift, and an easy one to purchase. Kicks have permeated into womenswear so much these days that even girls who would have never looked twice at an Air Max five years ago would probably get down with a pair of sneakers now. I think for Valentine's Day it’s a cute idea to get something in a red or pink hue. Some girls hate girly coloured sneakers but whatever, it’s Valentine's Day! They can deal. New Balance has some specifically for the day but if love hearts are too much, consider these Nike Theas, these adidas Originals ZX 100s are nice with just a touch of pink. Lastly, if she’s more rock’n’roll, the Converse lo in red has you sorted.

A weekend away



FIRSTLY: You should probably only organise a weekend away for a girl you have already slept with or it’s a bit transparent and over-eager. You’re also putting a lot of pressure on one weekend – what happens if flow’s in town? Awkward… If you are in a couple/dating however, weekends away are the shit! You could organise a weekend away to the beach or country but really just pick the nicest hotel you can afford in the city for a night or two and it will be awesome, especially if you guys are normally doing the share-house shuffle. Do dinner some place in the city beforehand and pretend you’re grown ups, if only for one night.

You know what they say: Happy wifey, happy lifey. Please keep this in mind this Friday, aka Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day falling on a Friday is kind of a ‘thing’. You can’t avoid it this time, and, if you do, it will be noticed. A Friday night means BUSINESS in the V-Day realm, so be prepared. Even if your girl doesn’t really care about Valentine’s Day, getting her a gift will gain you some serious brownie points. And who doesn’t want to surprise the girl they’re in like with. No idea what to buy? Well, this is where we come in. We had a real life woman *gasp* put together a gift giving guide of 10 items that will have smiles beaming and panties dropping quicker than you can say “I think we should move in together, baby”. The rest is up to you…