Here’s a timeless ensemble for guys, pairing a unbuttoned denim shirt over a plain white crewneck tee and jeans is pretty much the ABC of not looking like your Mum still picks your clothes for you. The best thing about this outfit is that it’s impossible to fuck up your shoe choice, you can go the Louis road and pair some hiking boots with restrained accessories but it works just as well with sneakers. Protip – don’t wear this on a first date, next time you hit up an entry level date restaurant I guarantee there will be at least six other dudes in the exact same ensemble. But then again I guess if you’re spending your dates evaluating other guys’ clothing then you’re playing it wrong as well.

The preserves of high fashion are rarely accessible for the everyday guy and this look certainly isn’t for everyone. But if you’re one of the select few who can pull off the post apocalyptic pagan/Amish thing it’s definitely a strong outfit. I think the key point here are the deathly pale complexion, the runway model stare and the perfect hat. All of which speak to the resurgence of the neo-Goth thing that’s happening right now. Isaac’s pagan-god inspired killing spree could just as easily been carried out by a Rick Owens model whose coke dealer skipped town the day before a show and you wouldn’t even need a wardrobe change.

Can we just get this out of the way real quick, ‘Stand By Me’ is the best film ever made. Okay, so while you’re all out there trying to look rugged and manly in your camo, Gore-Tex, and hiking boots you just got bodied by a thirteen year old wearing a white tee, levis, and Converse Chuck Taylors. And you KNOW those jeans are hand-me-downs from Eyeball, ‘cause the Chambers’ family aren’t about to spring for new threads. The key here is the way that Chris owns the clothes that he wears – he’s completely comfortable in his appearance because no thirteen year old in Oregon is sweating about copping the latest Ronny Fieg jawns, instead they’re going out to find dead bodies and learn important life lessons about the purity of childhood friendship.

This one is a bit of an anomaly – you’d think that denim overalls over torn sleeves would be certified no go. But for every rule there’s an exception, as Coffey definitively proves. So the next time says that your shoes don’t match your belt (that happens to you all the time right?), tell them to fuck off because you’re on some next level psychic-healing shit.

This is a textbook illustration of owning the clothes that you own. Check Red’s laidback style as opposed to Andy Dufresne button down uptightness the whole way through the film. Even in prison uniform Red still manages to convey his personal style, the cuffed sleeves imply the dignity of hard work, but the cap keeps things respectable, and the smile sells it. You can lock up a man, but you can’t imprison his steez.

I’m not actually completely sold on the brown leather jacket, it doesn’t have the iconic appeal of the straight black that instantly implies that you’re unfuckwithable, but Bowers has solid hair game in this film and that definitely counts. He also carries a flick-knife, which is pretty much the most badass accessory that you can own. Plus, during the entire childhood section of the movie he never changes his ensemble. People who’ve distilled their entire look to one outfit are either sartorial super beings who transcend convention à la Karl Lagerfeld or they’re lazy-ass bloggers who can’t afford washing machines for their shitty sharehouses.

I’ve got to give credit to Danny, because a huge part of style is dressing appropriately. He’s a kid and he looks like the textbook definition of one. The knitted sweaters and button down combo is a look that only ever works when you’re seven or seventy (which are also the ages where you can freely piss yourself without facing the social stigma). Danny gets bonus points for the homemade Apollo 11 crewneck that he rocks in the flick as well, because at the age there is literally nothing cooler than being an astronaut.

Tattoos are an official lifestyle accessory at this point, that’s not exactly breaking news. They don’t really carry the same glamorous danger that they used to when the dude who sells you insurance has a sweet sugar skull quarter sleeve. But a homemade tattoo that says ‘Cobras’ that you and all your bros carve into each other’s arms with a razorblade while you’re cleaning miscellaneous car engine parts? That’s #YOLO and sounds like the perfect pitch for Norse Projects 2013 Spring/Summer lookbook.

Your profession has a huge part to do with the way that you dress, and that’s the key to Rainey’s outfit. The dude is a mentally disturbed writer living as a recluse in the outskirts of America, and his outfit encapsulates that perfectly. The stringy hair and cardigan ensemble are the pièce de résistance that pushes it from accurate to sublime. You can practically smell the Doritos and despair.

There is never an acceptable reason to dress like a clown, even if you’re a clown.