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Weekly updates


So, a 19-year-old dude with the username of touchingforscience (*slow clap*) who is a redditor (of course) just posted the results of an impressive year long exercise in being both a creep, a nerd and somewhat of a self-pleasuring aficionado.

This guy was pleasuring himself on average, once a day, but figured he could be more ‘efficient’ at it so decided to get on Excel and create a number of spreadsheets to track his forays into the land of fap, because why not really? I mean, who ISN’T thinking about Excel docs when they’re jerking it? They are pretty hot.

On a spreadsheet spanning a year, touchingforscience outlined how long he jerked it each day and the time from his previous completion. Now personally this seems like a pretty limited field of variables to cover. I mean, if you’re gonna be a nerd about jerking off, be a fucking nerd about it! What did you eat that day? What kinda porn were you watching. Get some ALGORITHMS cranking, son! Mine that data.

Turns out he spent about 3% of his waking time stroking it. His year long average time was 44 min, the shortest time 5 min and the longest? Fricken 150 min!!!? What the hell!!! What is this dude doing to himself exactly??? Taking his dick out for a degustation with matching wines before it all goes down? That’s OVER TWO HOURS.

But what was the outcome of all this? Apparently, he feels like he “got better over time”. Cool. 12 months well spent then. You realise you could have got a diploma in something in that time? Or like, maybe even worked on having sex with a real life woman. Needless to say, touchingforscience is a virgin.

Best of luck with life, touchingforscience. Some screengrabs below…

masturbationstats-500x540 masturbator