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OO - Just one of the boys-2

“I get on way better with guys than I do girls.”
—Nearly every woman in existence

The love-hate relationship women have with themselves and one another is next-level. There is no love-hate relationship with men – women love men all the time. They hate to love them sometimes, but they never actually swear off them.

The love or approval of a man, to a woman, is like fertiliser to a rose bush. Without this relationship, a woman will struggle to blossom and will eventually die… on the inside. ‘WE DUN NEED NO MANZ!’ – I hear the liberated cry. Um, yes you do bitches. Yes you do. Sure, we should be able to change our own tires, drink beer, eat steak and get paid the same as our male friends. I am, after all, all for equality. But it wouldn’t go amiss for us to just admit that we need to feel their love and appreciation as well! And by appreciation, I mean physical as well as emotional intimacy.

When a man makes love to you – yes I said it! – it feels like every single fibre of your being are alive and you become this magical, ethereal, sensual love creature… or something. That being said, a lady only becomes this sexual angel if the man knows what he is doing. Otherwise, you just kinda feel like you would be having a better time with a cup of peppermint tea and the latest episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians. Show me a frumpy, angry-looking chick and I will show you a vageen that has not seen a capable penis for a substantial amount of time.

So back to girls who are only ever friends with guys, yet are not lesbians, nor are they involved in some kind of mixed netball team. They literally just want to be one of the lads and will claim to hate Sex and the City, laugh at ‘chicks’ and know all about the beef amongst rappers. These girls also don’t take kindly to boys pulling them up on the very thing that makes them a woman… emotions. ‘You’re being such a girl!’, a boy will say and the girlfriend-less female will take it like they just called her mother a whore. Well, thats what you get for shunning the sisterhood! You are confusing the hell out of those lads you are hanging around with. To them, you think like a man so therefore you will be up for listening about their boring day-to-day ‘boy talk’. And, also, they definitely will assume that you have a higher sensitivity threshold than most women and will honor that by saying things about girls in your company that will fuck with your head. ‘How dare they say that in front of me?’ Well lady, you can’t willingly go hang out in Palestine without having bullet-proof skin.

Come back over to this side of the wall for a bit. It definitely smells better! Sure, chicks can be assholes but damn – if you are constantly faced with difficult female relationships, do you not think that maybe, just maybe, you might be giving off bitch from hell vibes? Women do not take kindly to disloyalty, and, being a woman yourself, this should not be news to you. Of course we love the boys and value our male friendships! Lord knows I would not be the woman I am today with a healthy dose of non-emotional, objective advice that is best served up by my guy friends. Not to mention the stroke my self-esteem gets from the odd admiring look. But I need my girls. You need your girls! We’re supposed to be working at running the world, remember? Come over here and I’ll braid your hair and we’ll let the boys be.

Keep up with The Obnoxious Owl’s weekly ‘Shooting from the Hip’ column here.