In case you have been hiding under a rock and you don’t have the internet, I will tell you that it has been hotter than a junkie’s determination this week in Melbourne. 40 degrees plus is no joke, especially at night! But I’m kinda loving it, you know? Extreme weather can often lead to extreme experiences, in my, um, experience. I went outside today to catch a tram and my Chuck Taylors actually started melting. I was uncomfortable and my feet were crying – literally. But today I was working with fashion so I had to look like I knew what I was doing when all the while I was thinking, ‘I wish I was wearing thongs / flip-flops / Havis / nothing.’ But that is a fashion no-no apparently, so I am here to tell you to tell the fashion police to go and fuck themselves.

I judge books (people) by their covers all the time. I’m not gonna lie. I’m also not going to write a 600-word article about how you should be able to wear what you want and not give a toss. But then, we already know that. We know we can wear whatever we want but we all care too much about being judged and therein lies the problem. WHY can’t I wear rubber thongs on a 40 degree day in the bustle of a metropolis? In case I run into someone, that’s why. And, because I know I think like this, I know you guys think like this as well.

Admit it fellas, you are DYING to wear thongs to the beach instead of your Jordans, aren’t you? Do not lie to me. I know you’ll never admit it, let alone do it, but I know that you know that I know, you know? I reckon the fact that Nike and adidas sliders have come back into Tumblr/Instagram fashion ensures that we now at least have a ‘happy medium’. I do think it is harder for you to keep your swag in the warmer months than us ladies. We just need a cheap cotton dress and some leather sandals and we’re sorted! But you guys can’t even take your top off at a music festival without being deemed a wanker.

What else is summer nightmare? Oh yeah, shorts! Some dudes just cannot give up their jeans, hey? Why is that? Do you feel weird about showing your legs or something? Or is it hard to maintain your street cred in a pair? You do realise you look really odd in your jeans and sneakers on a 44-degree day, yeah? Why don’t you just throw in a beanie for good measure? I know I said fuck the fashion popo earlier – and here I am making fun of you – but dressing weather-appropriately is way more important that looking cool. How ironic!

What I am trying to say in a really roundabout way is that you should not sacrifice style for comfort to the point where you just look silly. Of course we need some guidelines for those that need a little help in dressing, but, really, most rules are only rules that you are meant to follow if your desired result is to be part of some scene or group. Or maybe you just don’t like wearing thongs? I dunno, do whatever. Just don’t become a fashion victim because there is nothing less sexy in a man.

Stay cool x