When a man proposes marriage, it is probably the grandest of gestures that there is – because it doesn’t stop there. After that comes 2 × rings, some kind of vineyard to hold the reception, a photographer to capture ‘candid’ moments of the groom holding the bride’s bouquet as she looks mysteriously off into the distance, the moustache-on-a-stick hilarity and perhaps a photo booth complete with ‘wacky’ costumes. Then there is the honeymoon, all the trips to Ikea, extravagant birthday and Christmas presents, babies, the photoshoot with the baby sleeping in a cabbage, divorce – it never ends! I myself am not married and never have been but I am getting my views through a very reliable source. (Yes, mainly Facebook.) One little question sets off a plethora of (what society deems as) grand gestures but surely the grandest of them all is the initial question itself?

I (like most people, I’m sure) am a big fan of the grand gesture. Probably because I need reassurance. But, fuck, who doesn’t? When somebody does something so out-of-the-ordinary or selfless in order to show you how much they care, it makes one giddy with feeling loved. And we all like to feel loved, don’t we? Yes, we do. The problem with relying on them to happen, though, is that one person can never quite live up to our expectations of what we think a grand gesture is. So, it is not a matter of lowering these expectations, but, instead, it is about opening our eyes and taking note of the things that are happening all the time. Because, when someone loves you, they are gesturing with grandness all the time – you just need to take notice.

For instance, years ago, when I was in a fairly serious relationship, my then-boyfriend bought me not one, but two very expensive handbags that he knew I had been coveting. One delicious buttery soft chocolate brown leather one by Miu Miu and a black satchel by Prada. Oh, I was over the moon and that night I repaid him by giving myself lock jaw. Oh pipe down – it’s not like I sucked dick for a handbag. Um…

Anyway! We broke up and I gave back the ring but I kept the handbags… and the shoes and the jewellery and certain DVDs. Then, last year I came into a spot of bother financially and had to start prioritising the needs from the wants so I sold those bags on eBay for a tidy sum, in order to, you know, eat. That being said, I hadn’t used those expensive bastards in years and was holding on to them because of what they represented – that being a) They were designer, and b) They has been part of a grand gesture.

Packing them up and sending them off to someone in Queensland was a little sad – I won’t lie. Why? Because I had put too much emphasis on what they represented rather than taking some time to actually think and reflect on what actually matters here. Please don’t think this is some kind of nostalgic post concerning my ex, because it is not. I am merely using a personal experience to highlight a point. Where was I? Oh yes! My ex buying me expensive shit. The thing is, I never needed those bags to know that he loved me or to show the world that I had a boyfriend who loved me enough to drop that much coin on me. I always knew that he did, just by the fact that he had made room in his life for me. He did things every day, without even realising, to show me how much he cared.

But, of course, just like great sex or salted peanuts, one grand gesture is never enough. Once someone sets a precedent, we are left wanting more, and they just can’t keep up! This leaves you feeling like they don’t care and they are left broke. Lovers of the GG are more often than not, spoilt brats. But if you pay attention and look carefully at the little things that people do, that should leave you feeling like the cat that got the organic cream. Don’t feel bad – we have all been guilty of attaching love to material things. How else do you think eBay stays in business?