The real character of a year can always be judged by the extent of the disappointments that the rap world produced. What better way to toast 2013 than to look at the moments that made me want to throw myself under speeding bus?

‘LET NAS DOWN’

The fact that J. Cole named a song about something so trivial really pinpoints what a bunch of cry-babies are running around out there. Dude, you heard from someone that Nas thought one of your singles wasn’t that great and you’re so butt-hurt that you write a rap about it? The more cynical amongst us later realised that this whole thing was just trolling in order to guilt Nas into rapping on the remix and explaining that “Hey, you didn’t really let me down little buddy, but the real let-down is the way I’m going to body you on your own song by actually rapping a million times better than you ever will in your whole dull-ass life.”

THE RISE OF TROLL RAP

This was the year that rap trolling was taken to new heights, beginning with LL Cool J’s ‘Accidental Racist’ fiasco, building steam with Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Control’ verse and peaking with Trinidad James’ ‘Atlanta pwns New York’ rant. Papoose, who had done a pretty good job of trolling Hot 97’s Summer Jam concert in June himself, couldn’t help but respond to the latter two as part of some kind of Universal Troll Code, which insists that one good trolling deserves another.

KANYE’S WEDDING PROPOSAL

Of all the stupid shit that ‘Ye did this year, by far his lowest point was the way he played himself on that Jumbotron when he proposed to Kimmy. Dude goes to the trouble of hiring a football stadium, filling it up with celebrities and hiring a 50-piece orchestra but completely dropped the ball by writing “PLEEEASE MARRY MEEE!!!” in lights like a 12 year-old schoolgirl. You don’t have the answers either, Kanye.

EVERYTHING INVOLVING RICK RUBIN

Once upon a time, Rick Rubin (who was once cruelly dubbed the “wizard wolfboy” by the music press) could do no wrong, as he figured out that the Sugarhill sound of early ’80s rap records wasn’t representative of the stuff he was hearing when he went out to hip-hop shows and decided to strip back the sound to a drum machines, turntable and a guitar stab. Now he sleeps on Jay Z’s studio couch barefoot and makes cringeworthy Dad Rap songs for Eminem, while encouraging Linkin Park to still exist.

EVERYTHING INVOLVING JAY Z

This guy is too much. Bad enough that everyone considers him the Greatest Of All Time, but now he wants to order everyone to remove the hyphen from his name, waffle on about going on a vegan diet and buy himself a platinum album via a business deal with Samsung. But what has he given back to rap? How about you buy Big Daddy Kane a private jet for all those years he let you tour with him? Instead, S-Dot is planning a new Brooklyn froyo franchise…

FASHIONISTA RAP

Rocking the freshest gear has always been an essential part of hip-hop, but the pendulum has swung way too far in the other direction now that anyone with a passing grade in rapping who can rock a catwalk is now held-up as an A-grade MC. It’s now difficult to tell if you’re watching a rap set or a fashion show.

HARLEM FEELING A TYPE OF WAY ABOUT THAT ‘HARLEM SHAKE’ SONG

I understand that it must be annoying to have your hometown’s name used in a dance song which becomes a worldwide internet meme, but some folks were really reaching on that one. Yes, it had nothing to do with the actual Harlem Shake dance as seen in the G-Dep video, but white folk did a lot worse this year. Macklemore, for example.

THE ABSTRACT AND THE DRAGON MIXTAPE

Q-Tip and Busta Rhymes trolled every Native Tongue fan in the galaxy with this tape, which had two cover art reveals, its own website with a countdown timer and a video of the first song. Turns out it was just a compilation of old songs that they’ve done together with some skits and three new tracks! Troll Rap is outta control.