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Weekly updates


RU - Since the face been revealed, game got real...

Reality TV shows have become the new major label record deal in the modern rap game, so the fact that Tony Starks aka Pretty Toney aka the Wally Champ aka Ironman aka Ghost Deni aka Starky Love aka Ghostface Killah is starring in the fourth season of VH1’s Couples Therapy doesn’t come as any huge surprise. Based on the first episode, I’m happy to report that compared to the fuckery that we witnessed from Consequence on Love & Hip Hop, Ghost doesn’t play himself like he’s got a flowerpot on his head. Since GFK has always had a fairly high public profile between the various Wu-related documentaries, his The World According to Pretty Toney book and his willingness to wear his heart on his sleeve on record, we already know what to expect.

As is always the case with these type of programs, the opening episode is dedicated to introducing the cast of reality TV C-list “celebrities,” including the standard awkward “white folks interacting with rappers” moments that inevitably spring up in these scenarios, such as the old dude who claims to be a huge Tupac fan and also can’t wait to Google some Wu-Tang songs. Ghost greets these cornballs politely enough, but quickly realises that he’s signed-up for ol’ bullshucks and lets it be known that he’s only here to support his current broad. Bonus point for pointing out that he “ain’t goin’ around saying, ‘Yo, you my girl’. I never uttered those words.” BURN!

Meanwhile, over in the wacky world of talk shows, former 3rd Bass frontman MC Serch just dropped the debut episode of Serch, titled Need A Parent, Not A Player. Serch comes off as a more confrontational Maury, chiding guests for bad language and having unprotected sex, and finally screaming “This is not your show! This is my show! Be quiet!” Once again, this is all pretty much in line with his public persona of yelling and flipping ebonics while sporting enormous pre-hipster black-framed glasses. Does this mean I want to watch him helping people with their love life and whatnot in front of a live studio audience in the hope that he’ll randomly drop some amusing tour bus stories about the time that Prime Minister Pete Nice had his walking stick stolen by a crazy groupie, or the time that MC Hammer put a hit out on them? Not so much.

As music industry revenue continues to shrink, we’re going to see a lot more of these TV spin-offs. So far it’s been primarily rapper dudes who are already retired from the game or are in the latter-stages of their careers, but we’ve also seen guys like Cory Gunz get shows to document their attempts to “get on”. (Spoiler alert: he didn’t.) Hopefully this can evolve into something more creative than the current talk show / relationships / trying to get a deal triangle and deliver something new beyond watching Snoop coach a Little League team.

Like it or not, the mystery behind the music that made Rakim such a powerful figure in the late ’80s is a rarity now, and almost impossible as fans demand more of a connection with their idols. The best we can do is grab the popcorn, smoke a little loud and enjoy the ride. Perhaps a show following Jay Electronica’s rise through the British class system as the partner of heiress Kate Rothschild while he continues not to finish his vapourware status debut album? Or a program based around the day-to-day events of Styles P’s Bronx-based juice bar Juices For Life? Or an investigative report on the history of rappers on the juice, named Roid Rage Rapper Dudes? The other alternative is to not fux with TV at all and go and live in a log cabin somewhere in Tasmania. It may be the only way to escape Joe Budden’s bedazzled denim vests.

Keep up with Robbie’s weekly ‘No Country for Old (Rap) Men’ here.