Enough’s enough. What started off as a Record Store Day trickle of gimmicks (a J. Dilla ‘Fuck The Police’ 45 shaped as a police badge, anyone?) has now reached some kind of record fetishist zenith with a constant stream of box sets, reissues and limited edition releases clogging up the shelves. While I can appreciate funk and soul 7″ sets, since there are certain tunes only available on 45 or the pressings are louder than the album versions, this logic doesn’t apply to rap. Since the 12″ single was already widely used by the time that hip-hop records started to be produced, it made sense that the music was initially released on that format. While eighties labels such as Sugarhill, Def Jam and Cold Chillin’ did issue many of their singles on 45 to service the younger customers who couldn’t afford the larger version and whatever jukeboxes were still in operation, it was the exception rather than the rule.

By the mid-’90s, Tommy Boy and Bad Boy released a handful of sevens to promote hit singles from the likes of De La Soul and the Notorious B.I.G., but these were strictly novelties by this stage, as CD singles were now common currency and vinyl in all formats was on the decline. With the rise of online rap retailers HipHopSite and Sandbox Automatic towards the end of the decade, as well as a revived interest in vinyl releases from indie hip-hop crews, the 45 soon crept back onto the scene as a cheap promotional item to encourage customers to pre-order new albums. As a result, these limited runs of 300 singles gave fans the chance to get unreleased tracks on vinyl at least as a nice little bonus for buying from a particular spot.

I was not immune to the gimmick of buying tiny versions of my favorite records—I once spent hours combing through a record store catalogue to find a stack of rare ‘80s rap 45s for $3 a pop, and even played them in live DJ sets a couple of times for shits and giggles before I came to my senses and sold them for exorbitant amounts to collectors. Think about it—these are shortened versions of songs that you can’t really scratch or mix unless you glue them onto old ABBA LPs or own that special Biz Markie Technics turntable. Why then would I want A Tribe Called Quest’s entire first album pressed on separate 45s? As if it isn’t annoying enough to have to flip the LP over at the end of the side, now I’m expected to sit there and flip the record after every effin’ song?

The only feasible advantage of DJing exclusively with tiny records, which I can personally attest to, is that you can show up to the club with a shoebox under your arm rather than some giant record case, which is great if you’ve decided to skateboard or ride a bike there, but otherwise it’s a non-issue. While I see the shelves of record stores filled-up with new 7″ pressings of ‘90s rap favourites, none of them seem to be offering anything new as far as alternative mixes or lost b-sides. It’s just the same singles, minus the instrumentals and whatever sweet extras were on the 12″.

Not only that, they sell for US$12, which is the same price as a full-sized single, thus removing half the benefit of buying a song in this more diminutive format. The other reason was to use in a jukebox that plays 45s, which is a piece of technology that only the most diehard retroist hipster would bother maintaining in this day and age (I imagine Peanut Butter Wolf has one at the Stones Throw Records HQ). Come to think of it, I’m actually shocked that those guys haven’t released a set of 35 7″s with every Special Herbs beat on them, encased in a giant DOOM mask and selling for $400. I’m sure the kids who only buy J. Dilla and Madlib records would gladly throw money at such a stunt.

Far be it for me to tell what you to spend your money on, but if you’ve gotten to the stage in your life where you already own every old rap record that you love on tape, vinyl, CD and picture-disc, and have built a special shelf in your ‘music room’ to accommodate every decent single from 1994-1996 on 45, then maybe it’s time to consider a new hobby. How about collecting rare Mountain Dew bottles from all around the world? Or compiling the most complete set of blank TDK cassettes ever seen? Or every variety of limited edition M&Ms ever produced? It’s time to face the facts—whether you’re a record junkie, sneaker addict or Polo collector, we’re all just glorified hoarders and one day we’ll be guiding a TV host through houses that are overrun with live vermin and dead insects just because we wanted ‘just one more rare piece.’

 Keep up with Robbie’s weekly ‘No Country for Old (Rap) Men’ here.