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No Country for Old (Rap) Men: The Formula To Perfect Rap Radio

So you think you can host a radio show? Follow Robbie's tips and you'll be rivalling Stretch and Bobbito in no time

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Praise Yeezus! Stretch and Bobbito are two episodes deep into their new radio show, around 18 years since they first called it quits from WKCR. The original Stretch Armstrong Show became an important proving ground for up-and-coming rap talent, as it showcased demo tapes, freestyle sessions, and interviews with future rap royalty such as the Wu-Tang Clan, Nas, Jay Z, O.C., Redman and Big L. But perhaps the most enjoyable aspect of the show was the sarcastic, dry wit that Bobbito, Stretch and Lord Sear would display as they snapped on listeners (and often their guests) with a merciless assault of in-jokes and put-downs. This also got me thinking about what it takes to makes great rap radio. Here’s a quick guide:


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01. DO challenge your guests

It’s essential that the hosts have a strong enough personality to call out both guests and listeners on any potential bullshit when required, without being jerks for the sake of just being ‘confrontational’. This boils down to having a sharp sense of humour and balancing out the ball-breaking with an appreciation of great music.


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02. DON'T ride the bozak

The worst kind of radio interviews will quickly turn into ass-kissing sessions where either the host and the artist fall over each other trying to ‘pump up each other’s tires’ or when the interviewer acts like they want to be best friends with their guest and possibly go and share a milkshake at the local malt shop afterwards. These kind of scenarios tend to make me physically sick.


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03. DO stick to a theme

During the eighties and nineties, rap radio was essential in breaking new records to listeners who were always fiending for the newest, latest jams. These days a radio show is lucky if they can premiere even one exclusive song, so it can help to have a concept or idea that each episode is based around.


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04. DON'T play nothing but new rap in 2016

Because that automatically means that 85% of the music you’re playing is the audio equivalent of a steaming hot shit sandwich. Be it weak sauce ‘underground’ or some kind of Acoustic Trap Cloud Rap with a post-modern twist.


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05. DO ride the nostalgia train

Play a lot of old tapes of live eighties rap performances, unreleased music that isn’t already on Youtube, and sweet, sweet original versions of songs from press-only advance tapes.


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06. DON'T make like the late, great Mr. Magic aka Sir Juice and snap new records you aren't feeling live on air

After he gave early singles from Public Enemy and Boogie Down Productions that treatment, he had his voice sampled back at him on It Takes A Nation of Millions To Hold Us Back and also sparked off the Bridge Wars, which set the entire population of the Bronx and Brooklyn against Queens as KRS-One demolished Magic, Marley Marl, MC Shan, and Roxanne Shante. On second thoughts, maybe we need a lot more of that kind of behaviour – you’ve gotta respect his honesty.


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07. DO get personal

Tell interesting anecdotes about the stories behind classic records or personal experiences connected to experiencing and/or buying the single for the first time.


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08. DON'T make too much extra noise

Eg. Scream over the songs constantly, bombarding listeners with sound effects, and endlessly rewinding to the beginning of the record like a poor man’s Funkmaster Flex, as he’s doing a pretty great job of being a poor man’s Funkmaster Flex on his own, thank you very much!


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09. DO assemble the crew

Get a whole bunch of other hip-hop legends to come into the studio, smoke a shit-tonne of good weed, and cut up old breaks, much like that time that Large Professor and Pete Rock joined Q-Tip for that amazing episode of Abstract Radio last year.


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010. DON'T assemble the wrong crew

Get a whole bunch of Hollywood types to come into the studio, snort a shit-tonne of good coke and name drop for two hours, as occurred when Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, and Leonardo DiCaprio joined Q-Tip for that awful episode of Abstract Radio last year.