I think I should preface this by saying I have a strange enthusiasm for food combos that should by all standards be classified as awful but out of good fortune, qualify as thoroughly delicious. This trailer trash elitism has given me the power to perceive when a food combo is cynically produced with no regard for the ethics of creating innovative cuisine through horrid edible amalgams. For example, cronuts are basic as fuck and you should feel guilty thinking that eating an embellished pastry is somehow an indulgence (especially when we have this in the world). Allow me to school you on some food drops that happened this week that push the boundaries of palatability.
The burger croissant is high on the list. It’s like a luther burger but Sydney café Piccolo Me has swapped out the donut for a much more mature pastry. Hell, this isn’t even that gross. Every second burger joint I’ve burst into over the last six months has been using brioche buns to some unnecessary extent and I really don’t see much of a diff here. At least dropping a burger patty and cheese between the layers of a sweet pastry is an open admission of intent rather than trying to sneak it through in a too-shiny, too-brown, suss AF burger bun.
While I’m sounding off about burgers, check the Most American Thickburger (actual name), a Carl’s Jr. menu item coming out that’s supposed to be an all-in-one Summer cookout. It stocks in U.S. stores on May 20 and involves a burger patty, a split hot dog, and a layer of potato chips, clocking in at around 1,030 calories. It might not be as OTT as Carl’s Jr.’s pastrami burger, but it’s still pretty turnt. It reminds me a lot of the burger Instagram user TheVulgarChef posted a few days ago which reps mooshed up fries instead of a bun.
These are all odd food combos in their own right, but Kane’s Handcrafted bakery in Boston is 1-upping everyone in this week’s contest thanks to their lobster stuffed donuts (ingenuously dubbed ‘dowich’). I know donuts are kind of the trending edible holder-of-other-foods right now, but putting seafood in there seems like it’s going way too far. I don’t want to consider the possibility that I could be losing my affinity with extreme food marriages, but I wouldn’t be able to stomach the taste of donut glaze and crustacean in the same mouthful.
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We can’t stop you taking food pics, but at least make them look better with these plates