Recently Melbourne burger emporium Easey’s posted a photo of a monstrous creation and our office, perhaps even the whole world, collectively gasped. Dubbed the ‘Metropolitan Mayhem’, this beast contains four beef patties, double bacon, six slices of cheese, two potato cakes, and two dim sims. A creation of pure beauty. There was no other option—one of us had to eat it.
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, our art director Paul (better known to most as Swaggy P) was the only person in sight that hadn’t eaten lunch yet. And so ACCLAIM’s reputation came to rest on one man’s shoulders. On the walk over to Easey’s Paul commented on how hungry he was, “I didn’t eat breakfast.” The beautiful idiot had no idea what was coming.
Easey’s founder and burger master Jimmy Hurlston met us at the top of the restaurant, a train carriage positioned four stories high overlooking Melbourne. A fitting venue for Paul’s triumph or demise. Here’s how it went down:
3:01pm- A tactical squish down to compress the burger to edible size. First bite, “the cheese is so good”.
3:04pm- “I’ve taken heaps of bites, but it still looks like I’ve barely started.”
3:05pm- A calculated bite of a potato cake bursting out one side.
3:08pm- About halfway Paul comments he’s definitely not hungry anymore, “but I know I need to finish soon before my body realizes what’s happening”
3:10pm- The pressure is beginning to take hold. The hope that was once in Paul’s eyes has disappeared.
3:14pm- “This is going to be hell for my acid reflux”
3:15pm- The loudest sigh the world’s ever heard
3:16pm- A triumphant last bite.
3:20pm- Paul walks it off, gets a cup of coffee for “digestive aid”.