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Weekly updates

Unrequited love (love that is not reciprocated or returned, for the geniuses) is a bitch and it happens to everybody. Good ol’ William Shakespeare once described love as ‘the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares’. Hmm, now we know where Beyoncé gets her lyrics from.

Unless you are some cold-hearted freak, or just plain lucky, I would imagine that every single one of us would have experienced heartbreak at one point in our lives. I guess it’s not a bad thing because without all the heartbreak there would be like hardly any music and no movies starring Julia Roberts neither. I too have had my heart sat on and thrown away and I am here to tell the tale and give you some tips on how to deal with this fuck show we call love.

Tip 1.

Straight up, accept that the recipient of your affection just ain’t feeling it. We have been brainwashed by the aforementioned Julia Roberts movies and other such romantic fiction that with enough determination will awaken the desires within the other person that they did not know were there. This is a mantra best used for stalkers and/or rapists. Knowing when to give up is the trick.

Tip 2.

Make sure you still have a life outside of your love struck haze. I know what you are thinking, ‘But if I could just have this person then all my problems will disappear!’ You are being a self-sabotaging nuisance and I have one word for you and it rhymes with ‘desperation’. Get out and do stuff! Stop moping around to love songs and applying all the lyrics to your situation. Stop drinking alone and stop waiting for the phone to ring. Life goes on buddy.

Tip 3.

Do you even know who you’re in love with? No really, do you? I am only bringing this up because sometimes we tend to fall in love with the idea of someone. Often dudes ‘fall in love’ with some mega hot chick because she would look dope on their arm and he would be the envy of all his buddies. A few chats and maybe one date and boom! You think cupid has struck you in the ass. Girls often fall in love with guys who make them feel safe and look like Diplo. All I’m saying is, is that sometimes we think we are in love and we get so obsessed that we think we really know the person who is the object of our affection. We lay and fantasise and daydream and more often than not, we are actually in love with the fantasy. Picking up what I’m putting down?

Tip 4.

‘This too shall pass’. Remember that person you were in love with in high school and thought that the world was going to end when they got with someone else? You’re still alive aren’t you? Keep moving forward and to drop another cliché, ‘Whatever will be will be’.

Tip 5.

Night time is the worst huh? Tossing and turning and masturbating? Yeah I feel ya. That’s because our minds run away with us. The best way to deactivate this thought process is to do something completely logical with will counteract the illogical ‘love’ thought process. You can’t just sit and mope and write poetry and Facebook status updates that make you look like a pussy. Put more energy into work, read some non-fiction books and bring some practical activity into your life to stabilise your mind.

Tip 6.

Be careful of becoming a little bitch. In other words, we’ve all been rejected and there is nothing wrong with you! You could literally be Gods gift! Some people just don’t believe in God is all and that’s life. Ain’t it grand?

Tip 7.

Sometimes when people are unavailable it makes us want it more. How desirable would the Air Yeezy be if were on the 50% rack in Footlocker right now? Often while we are looking up and trying to reach things that just don’t want to be er… reached we aren’t seeing what is eye level. Love should be all about balance. Give and take. Minimal anxiety and maximum pleasure. Try to stop obsessing, phone a friend you have been meaning to catch up with and have a drink.

Perspective is a beautiful thing.

Keep up with the Obnoxious Owl’s weekly Shooting From the Hip here.