Weekly updates:

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Weekly updates

Yes I am venturing into the smutty conversation of anal sex because it is an issue that needs to be spoken about and here is why… men now think it is as acceptable as a pat on the back.  Humans are actually disgusting hey… no really, we are.  I bet it kills dudes that we only have two places they can stick their dick.  I bet if our nostrils were any larger they would want to shove it up there as well. The sacred, beautiful act of intercourse has been bastardised by us, the homosapien, because we are a jaded bunch of over-informed wallies.  Nothing shocks us anymore, nothing pushes boundaries. It was only in the ‘50s that Elvis the Pelvis couldn’t be filmed below the waist and now we’ve got sex tapes and Lady Whats-Her-Face prancing about in knickers and sex toy parties replacing Tupperware.

This is why being done up the bum whether you are a heterosexual male or female has become so appealing.  Physically it isn’t that satisfying but psychologically? Man, that is where it really stokes the fire. That is your naughty place, the place where poo poo comes out. The mindless crevice that should only be exit only. The dark alley way in a rough neighbourhood. It’s dirty, it’s sordid, it’s seedy and it’s generally not allowed which makes the asshole pretty hot property. And that is just when the woman is the one having the honours but let’s flip the coin shall we… oh what do we have here? Tails!

Word on the street is that dudes love it and I don’t just mean giving it… if you know what I mean. Don’t act coy! It actually makes perfect sense as that is where your little sex bean lies. Which makes me wonder why God would put it there when apparently, all gays are going to Hell. Ah religion and sex… there is another column in there somewhere. I bet there are plenty of you who have slipped a digit in your own ass. Why the Hell wouldn’t you? It makes way more sense for penetration to be heading your way than ours. Either way, like everything else in life for you lot, it’s win-win. If you have a ‘liberal’ girl in your bed who is up for it because well, she just is, chances are it feels a lot better for you than it does for her. Believe me, when she says she is loving it, she is saying that to please you because while she may not hate it, based on the fact that she is allowing it to happen in the first place, she is most definitely not loving it.

Whilst we celebrate how open and up for things we all are in this wonderfully colourful, liberated world where anal sex is on the menu and midget porn is rife, I encourage you gentleman to not be shy and admit that when it comes to anal sex, you are up for taking it just as much as you are willing to hand it out willy-nilly and to be as ‘up for it’ as you encourage your lady friend to be. This is why all my girlfriends will be given lovely candy pink coloured strap-ons over the holidays because you are all worth it. Just remember to keep up that high-fibre diet and remember that it gets easier. You’re welcome.

Keep up with the Obnoxious Owl’s weekly Shooting From the Hip here