A few interesting conversations have occurred within my presence over the last week or two concerning how much guys affect the way a woman thinks of herself. Whether it be our standing in business or society, or, most of all, our physicality. I think this opinion has been formed because, just like women enjoy being on the arm of a successful man, said man would prefer if the woman hanging off his arm were attractive. Of course, beauty and attraction are subjective and I fear that we are slipping into even more of a shallow pool than the one we are already ignorantly wading in.

The thing is, there is some truth in the matter. Except I don’t think every man has to eat humble pie over the way women feel about themselves: it’s not like they’re doing anything different to what is expected of them. Men still have way more money than women. And money equals power, so they get to call the shots and we happily abide.

Sex sells, and, sure, there’s nothing quite like a beautiful woman. Nothing gets rid of magazines faster than Rihanna shot by woman-lover Terry Richardson! But who decided that big tits, round ass, smooth skin, flat stomachs, shiny hair, pouty lips and petite frames were considered hot? Women mainly just want to feel good about themselves no matter what, but we constantly feel like we have to adapt to the expectations of beauty. And those expectations have been set by men.

But guess what? That doesn’t make it your fault. No sirree, it does not. The blame is 100% at our door. This is not about equal rights; this is about our perception of ourselves. It’s about where women actually see themselves in society, and we fail to set the standard – the more realistic standard – of what is beautiful, feminine and sexy. We are the ones who should decide what we think is hot and you will just have to accept it. But we don’t.

I heard a funny line in a movie the other night said by Ryan Gosling of all people (what a babe) and it went, “The war between the sexes is over. We won the second women started doing pole dancing for exercise.” I know it’s funny but it is scarily true. Men will continue to expect us to look top-notch for as long as we insist on meeting their criteria. Men will continue to go to strip clubs for as long as we are prepared to take our clothes off. The reason why something like the Miss Universe Pageant is still a multi-million-dollar franchise is not because it is owned by Donald Trump, but because women continue to apply.

And, to make matters worse, women are harder on one another than any man could ever be. We compete and we gossip and we compare ourselves until we find ourselves untagging every single photograph of ourselves on Facebook and blowing money we don’t have on beauty products that basically promise us the fountain of youth. The men who own these cosmetic houses are lining their pockets because of the vanity and insecurity of women. If we smell like this, or look like this or dress like that then men will love us. Yes! Where is my credit card?

Until women decide to step up, and call their own shots, and be nicer and more compassionate toward their fellow sisters, men will continue to dictate how it’s going to be. We have given men the steering wheel while we happily sit in the passenger seat and get driven to whichever destination they choose. Instead of us just nodding and rolling our eyes at the absurd levels of beauty that is expected of us, we basically fall over ourselves and elbow one another out of the way in order to meet them, and then we get angry at them for asking us to jump when it was us that asked “How high?”. So no, I don’t think men are to blame for setting our standards and creating our boundaries when we have failed to do so for ourselves.

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