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OO - Just being Miley

Miley Cyrus is the talk of the internet these days, with prime focus being on her overall behaviour and attitude, of which neither are particularly bad. Well, not bad on a Lindsay Lohan level, where she is having to go to court, or being asked to wear an ankle tag. Not yet, anyway. It is more bad in a way that makes you cringe. When I watched her perform at this year’s VMAs, I cringed so hard I nearly put my shoulder out. Then I skipped over to the Twits and Tumblr, and the venomous hate being projected towards the girl (many from those who live in glass houses) made me feel like I had missed something… I mean, is she really that bad? So then I googled her age and discovered that she is just a tender 20 years old. Remember those amazing life choices you were making at 20?

Occasionally I get obsessed with one subject and research the living daylights out it. Recently the object of my obsession was Britney Spears circa the early years, when she was a pseudo-virgin singing about being a sex slave and the object of every man’s (young and old) lust. Britney was at the top of her game! Or was she? Do me a favour and go and look back at a few interviews with the little blonde pop puppet around 2000/2001 and you tell me if she looks like she has her shit together. She resembles a nervous little girl, regurgitating lines fed to her by her publicist before she gets up and obediently shakes her money maker. Cue a few years later and she is shaving her head and attacking photographers with an umbrella. Where did our little angel disappear to? The real question is, was she ever a little angel to begin with? Who fucking knows! Even she has no clue.

Now, back to Miley. Sure she is a parody of everything that is popular on Tumblr. From the twerking, to the overt sexuality that looks everything but sexual, to the blatant paint-by-numbers jacking of Rihanna’s steeze. But have you had a look around you recently at most trendoid twentysomethings? They’re all doing it! Here in Melbourne you can pay to twerk. It’s called Twerkshop, and white, privileged girlies are sporting do-rags and shaking rump to 2 Chainz and Juicy J. Miley is basically a poster child of the budding subculture that lives amongst us. It’s like ‘Twerking Goes Disney!’ Did you ever think you would see the day that Hannah Montanna would be bent at a 90-degree angle, wiggling her barely-there ass? It would almost be amazing if it were authentic and she did it sort of well, but it just ain’t the case.

‘I’m just being myself!’ she cries. ‘Haters gonna hate!’ says the new generation. Well blow me down honey, but if you were actually being yourself then you’ll find the haters would be directing their hate towards Lady Gaga where it belongs. The reason why this girl is looking so cringe-fest and annoying is because she is the product of a machine that is picking at all the things the kids are into, taking them out of context and getting Miley to deliver. It looks wrong, because it is wrong. It stands for nothing and it looks half-baked and try-hard. So, basically, she is representing this particular trend with absolute perfect accuracy.

Keep up with The Obnoxious Owl’s weekly ‘Shooting from the Hip’ column here.