Weekly updates:

Posted by

I know you’re as excited as I am that the G.O.O.D. Music compilation has dropped officially today. Here’s my track-by-track breakdown of Cruel Summer, in case you’re actually considering copping this.

01 To The World – Kanye West feat. R. Kelly & Teyana Taylor
This is music to have a same-sex commitment ceremony to. Also suitable if Snooki from Jersey Shore gets hitched. ‘The whole world is a couch, bitch I’m Rick James tonight.’ Hold ya head, Dave Chappelle.

02 Clique – Kanye West & Big Sean feat. Jay-Z & Cocaine 80s
Kim K reference #1. Pause yourself Kanye for wanting to live next to Tom Cruise. Jay offers some ammunition for ‘Shots@Nas’ conspiricy theorists ‘I’m talking boss, I ain’t talking Kelis/Your money too short can’t be talking to me‘. Logical explanation is a reference to her ‘Bossy’ song…right?

03 Mercy – Kanye West, Big Sean & Pusha T feat. 2 Chainz
Kim K reference #2. Rick James reference #2. One of those dumb-ass slow motion voice hooks. ‘I threw suicides on the private jet/you know what that means? I’m fly to death‘.

04 New God Flow – Kanye West & Pusha T feat. Ghostface Killah
Ric Flair reference #1. Say word they threw Starks on here now? And he kilt it? The ‘Substitution’ break, hook and new GFK verse make this a winner, despite Kanye  dropping his weakest verse of the LP.

05 The Morning – Pusha T, Common, CyHi The Prynce, Kid Cudi & D’banj feat. Raekwon and 2 Chainz
Even The Chef can’t save this clusterfuck of a song from the trash. ‘Can’t wait to get that black American Express so I can really show those white folks how to pull the race card‘. Really? Is that what passes for a punchline now? Come back Papoose, all is forgiven.

06 Cold – Kanye West feat. DJ Khaled & DJ Pharris
Kim K. reference #3 ‘The whole industry wanna fuck your old chick/the only nigga I got respect for is Wiz‘. Thank goodness, now Khalifa can rest easy in his tight leather pants. Minus 1000 points for DJ Khaled feature. Awesome how there are two DJs on here and no scratching. Maybe they should call ’em ‘Shout Jockeys’.

07 Higher – Pusha T feat. The-Dream, Ma$e & Cocaine 80s
Your mother sings in Auto-tune. Mason Bertha mumbles for a minute then says ‘Shamone’.

08 Sin City – John Legend, Teyana Taylor, CyHi The Prynce & Malik Yusef feat. Travi$ Scott
I’m actually missing hearing Kanye on the songs he doesn’t rap on, which is more of testament to how much the G.O.O.D. Music crew suck, with the occasional exception of Pusha-T and Common.

09 The One – Kanye West & Big Sean feat. 2 Chainz, Marsha Ambrosius & Cocaine 80s
Wait, I didn’t see Elton John in the credits? ‘Everything around me got me underwhelmed/best way to describe my position is at the helm/best way to describe my whip…Yeeeoooww‘. Wow, bars like that will make both Rakim and Nas put the mic down for good.

10 Creepers – Kid Cudi
This sounds like a drunk teenager trying to sing along to the radio while playing Xbox. Cudders stays losing.

11 Bliss – John Legend & Teyana Taylor
File under ‘punk smoove shit’ (c) Reggie Noble.

12 Don’t Like (Remix) – Pusha T, Kanye West & Big Sean feat. Chief Keef & Jadakiss
Ric Flair reference #2. Jadakiss dumbs down his style to fit in with the rest of the song. ‘Ye offers the following handy advice: ‘Girls kissing girls, ‘cos it’s hot, right? But unless they use a strap-on then they not dykes‘. Thanks for clearing that up for us!

The verdict:
Not sure who this record is going to appeal to, since it delivers a mix of teh ghey club music, singing, ignorant Weed Carrier rap, a guy who used to call himself Tity Boi and Kanye telling us he loves Kimmy. Guess we can safely label this TMZ Rap.

Keep up with Robbie’s ‘No Country for Old (Rap) Men’ column here

Images of G.O.O.D Music courtesy Complex Magazine