We all know what it’s like when you’re trying to flex your high dietary standards and luxe lifestyle but you’re suffering a personal recession. There’s only so many ways you can make a cheese on toast ‘gram look like you’ve got some kind of Action Bronson-like transformative flair with dishes before people begin to suspect that you’re broke as hell and eating worse than a latchkey kid. This is where Chef Jacques La Merde comes in. With a name that literally means “Chef Jack Shit”, he’s all about taking terrible food and making it look like French new cuisine.
I can’t find any confirmation on the matter, but it seems like the user(s) behind the Insta are actual high-standard chefs given their Riff-Raff stream of consciousness style status complaints on accidentally shattering tweezers after dropping them in liquid nitrogen and some kitchen hand called José who keeps fucking up. I can just imagine some bored dudes finishing an exhausting 12-hour shift and flexing their frustration towards their boulevardier patrons by using the precise cooking methods to cook absolute shite. Then again, maybe the dude just really secretly loves Spongebob spaghetti-Os and is too proud to admit it in a normal way.
An interesting thing to consider here is that the integration of junk food into nouvelle cuisine processes doesn’t actually break many rules of the culinary school of thought. Here’s a couple of characteristics of the cooking style that allow for you to be dishing up microwave hot pockets like they’re foie gras:
– A rejection of excessive complication in cooking. [Most of this stuff comes premade in a box]
– They used regional dishes for inspiration instead of cuisine classique dishes. [Hello, microwave rogan josh anyone? Exotic.]
– New techniques were embraced and modern equipment was often used; Bocuse even used microwave ovens. [Nouvelle cuisine is practically already junk food, obvs]
– The chefs paid close attention to the dietary needs of their guests through their dishes. [Worried about your nut allergies? Check the back of that box of Pop Tarts.]
– The chefs were extremely inventive and created new combinations and pairings. [I dare you to argue this isn’t an inventive pairing of food colouring]
We’ve hand-picked some of our favourite dishes from the menu. Check them out above!
More questionable dietary choices