Weekly updates:

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Weekly updates

Look, Krispy Kreme are not the bastion of wholesome eating and we 100% recognise that. No one’s going in there looking for a Healthy Choices menu to the side of the cruller display nor are they approaching the marketing department to commend them on flawless brand presentation. Just earlier this year, the company was in hot water for their KKK Wednesday promotion in the UK. They said it actually stood for ‘Krispy Kreme Klub’ but I don’t know, dude.

So yes, their public image and health merits are already somewhere around your ankles, but that doesn’t really excuse their latest product which is essentially edible heart disease; the bacon and jam filled glazed hotdog. Just look at that crap. If a surgeon cut that out of me and was like “this is your tumour” I wouldn’t even question it because it looks so flaky, burnt and vaguely fleshy (but enough about Madonna).

This product is apparently so difficult to promote without the company straight-up saying “Eating three of these in quick succession will render your children fatherless”, that they have launched a competition to name this culinary abortion. We’ve got a few ideas:

– The Widowmaker
– Glazed and Abused
– Clot Dog
– Twelve Years a Glaze
– Jamie Oliver Breakdown
– Glaze Runner
– Gutbuster
– Woe-nut

In case you’re scared of this infecting your local 7/11 donut stock, further diminishing your chances of scoring that last strawberry cruller at 1am, don’t worry. The product is only being trialled at Blue Rocks minor league baseball games. For now, anyway.
If you need to test your cardiovascular fortitude in the mean time, you could always just spray cake batter directly into your mouth.