Hollywood needs to concede that adapting video games into feature length films just doesn’t work. Unless you’re making a movie that broadly references video game culture (Wreck-It Ralph, Tron, Scott Pilgrim vs The World), you’re going to wind up with a movie that sucks for video game fans and filmgoers alike (Alone in the Dark, Mario Bros, Max Payne). Unfortunately, the latest beloved franchise to face the Summer blockbuster transmogrifier is Tetris.
Just like Jeff Goldblum was transformed into neither human nor insect but a hideous amalgamation of both in The Fly, so too is Tetris being morphed into a sci-fi action flick sometime in the near future. The biggest problem with this is that Tetris is a plotless puzzle game known for its visual concision and catchy Russian folk music, not riveting space combat or any kind of plot that can be stretched across 90 minutes or more.
The project has been picked up by Threshold Entertainment, a largely unknown group dealing mostly with CGI projects for theme parks that was co-founded by director and deep-sea badass James Cameron. The company was also involved in the release of Charlie Sheen helmed animated film Foodfight! and if you haven’t seen that, find yourself a copy. It is without a doubt the creepiest, worst film I’ve ever seen (yes, worse than The Room. Just check the trailer) so the idea of these guys making another attempt at a movie may provide entertainment value purely from how horrible the result is.
Seriously, the only Tetris related idea that was worse than this is Hatris. Threshold CEO Larry Kasanoff isn’t a rookie in the video game adaptation game, either. He was heavily involved in putting Mortal Kombat on the big screen in 1995 which was robbed of the Best Picture Oscar by Forrest Gump. Coincedentally, Forrest Gump is now a video game. I can’t keep up anymore.
Word to the wise, Threshold: if I can search your movie idea verbatim on YouTube and find six videos parodying your concept that were made up to 8 years before you even had the thought, then it’s a bad movie idea. Check those parodies out in the gallery above.
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