Everyone is yapping about the return of G-Unit, who you may remember as being some of the more talented weed carriers of their day. Remember how great that No Mercy, No Fear mixtape was back in 2002? That being said, that was twelve long years ago, and since those heady days we’ve had to hear Young Buck bawling his eyes out over the phone, The Game finding himself excommunicated, Lloyd Banks degenerating from an entertaining punchline spitter into the Rapping Mummy – and as for Tony Yayo? Actually, the last I heard about Yayo was the following, via Wikipedia:

“On March 24, 2007, Tony Yayo was arrested for allegedly assaulting the 14 year-old son of The Game’s manager, Jimmy “Henchmen” Rosemond. Tony Yayo and 50 Cent were accused of approaching the child, with members of their entourage, and pushing him against a nearby wall. This was when Tony Yayo reportedly slapped the boy several times and said ‘Fuck Czar Entertainment’.”

Yayo beat the charge and was later sued by the kid’s mother, in what can only be described as an awesome display of hired goon workmanship. Anyhow, according to this Billboard article, The Game set up a Facebook poll last year asking if anyone wanted to see a G-Unit reunion, seemingly blind to the fact that, having spent more time shitting on his former crew than he spent actually repping them, not even Curtis ‘Wrestlemania’ Jackson would pull a stunt as ridiculous as inviting Jayceon back into the fold. Instead, he’s thrown Buck a lifeline (maybe he can buy the kids a new Playstation now), thawed out Banks and Yayo, and given former Weezy codeine mule Kidd Kidd the final spot, and as a result currently has the internet going nuts (© Pall Wall). Rocking over Hit-Boy’s ‘Grindin’ My Whole Life’ and renaming it ‘Nah I’m Talking Bout‘, some Summer Jam fuckery and a remake of the new… Drake?

Since I gave up on Hot 97’s Summer Jam after enduring a live stream of it last year while I was in New Jersey, I’ve had to refer to Conservative Rap Coalition correspondent Cole James Cash for a report via Gmail Chat:

“Brought out Slowbucks then proceeded to have him beat up. Took his chain and 50 continued to perform while his chain was being worn. Vintage 50 antics. Slow and Bucks are two dudes from northside of Queens who have sided with weed carrier Trav in a beef with 50. Trav been talking super greasy with 50 then on Instagram a few weeks ago they took a pic with 50’s son but i don’t think 50’s son was in on it – he just was there. 50, as you know, doesn’t take shit like that lightly. He’s worth $250 million and will have you robbed of your chain on stage over you talkin’ shit. This is why I fucks with 50 over the rest of these clowns. I support ignorance – it’s the CRC way.”

Elsewhere, Curtis has released his Animal Ambition LP today, and it’s filled with the disinterested musings of a millionaire who misses the spotlight but lacks any discernible hunger or even any trace of his own trademark style. Possibly in an attempt to distract us, 50 has managed to generate a surprising amount of buzz from a handful of G-Unit freestyles and get some of his standard WWE headlines. But, in an uncharacteristically sloppy move, Curtis neglected to actually include any G-Unit songs on the new album so that he might benefit from the hype. And while it’s one thing to generate some excitement from misty-eyed old Unit fans over some choice beats of the moment, does anybody really think that will translate into a powerful group project when you consider that their general is making the dullest music of his career right now? Time will tell, but I’m predicting that this Robbie  will quickly lose steam and become another unfulfilled meme along the lines of a proper Dipset reunion, the Nas and DJ Premier album and the rumour that J. Cole has a personality.