Weekly updates:

Posted by

Weekly updates

RU - The CRC Guide To Modern R&B

What with Ashanti – the queen of sideburn-sporting songstresses – stepping back into the music game this week with a Rawse assist, I took a moment in the new Conservative Rap Coalition HQ to reflect on which post ’80s sangers comply with the CRC’s strict guidelines regarding music…


Once hailed as the “queen of hip-hop soul”, Mary rode the Uptown Records wave that Puffy was a part of, adapting the mixtape blend styles of Grandmaster Vic and Ron G by combining hard beats with smooth vocals, and recruiting some hard-hitting guest raps on the remixes. ‘What’s The 411’ with Grand Puba is still one of the illest Rap and Bullshit songs ever made, although I don’t think I’ll be messing with her Mary Christmas CD too heavy…


Forever immortalised on Tim Dog’s ‘Secret Fantasy’, where he details an imaginary orgy with the four hawt dames who gave us bangers such as ‘Hold On’ and that shit with Salt-n-Pepa. Dawn Robinson was fly as hell back then, so you know a young dude was checking for their videos regardless.


All I remember about this group was copping that ‘Right Here’ cassingle on the strength of the MJ ‘Human Nature’ sample, which Large Professor flipped again for Nas’ ‘It Ain’t Hard To Tell’. There’s a reason why the record label focused on that ‘Sisters With Voices’ angle though, since they weren’t exactly top-tier eye candy status.


These New Edition castaways lucked out by getting some prime-time Marley Marl beats (allegedly intended for the lost TJ Swan project) and making a song based around a Kool G Rap vocal grab, so I kinda fucked with their tape (or at least the three songs that weren’t garbage) for a minute.


Former Guy vocalist. The only song of his I ever paid attention to was ‘Don’t Be Afraid’ from the Juice soundtrack, since it flipped the ‘Humpty Dance’ beat and featured some ultra-rapey vocals about locking a chick in his room. To wit: “No need to run, no need to hide / All the doors are locked and I have you inside / You can yell and you can hit me. It just makes me horny.” I’m assuming Mr. Hall is currently locked under a jail somewhere…


Approved on the basis of that ‘One Thing’ beat and a killer set of pins.


She looked amazing in that ‘Love Will Never Do (Without You)’ video, and ‘Got Til It’s Gone’ with Q-Tip was fresh to def.


Another group I gave zero fux about, but get a pass for the legendary “Freak’n You’ remix with Raekwon and Ghostface and wearing those Friday The 13th hockey masks on stage.


‘On and On’ was a classic, plus she has a magical vagine which is able to turn-out young rapper dudes and get them wearing questionable Bohemian rags within a matter of weeks.


Inclusion of AZ on ‘Brown Sugar’ remix and DJ Premier on ‘Devil’s Pie’ grants him automatic approval. Plus the fact that he hasn’t released an album in thirteen years, which I appreciate for reasons unbeknownst to anyone.


Hell nah. No self-respecting dude would be caught dead messing with anything from these gals. The only contribution of note they made was T-Boz getting married to Mack 10 and then leaving him after he started putting his shoe in her on a regular basis. Left Eye’s attempts at rapping still haunt my dreams…


Sorry luh, even that ODB feature can’t save you.


Far too eager to please. Even the songs she did with Rich Harrison are borderline annoying. Not to mention that working as Jay Z’s full-time beard is exhausting work.


The number of records she’s sold is almost matched by the number of dudes she’s burnt, which is impressive in its own way. Rihanna Plane was an airborne petri dish outchea. That being said, ‘Live My Life’ with T.I. worked in the club with the right amount of cognac in your bloodstream.


If RZA had put out ‘Blunted Soul’ in 1996 the world might a very different place right now. Or you could just listen to ‘Rainy Dayz’ and ‘Release Yo’ Delf’ on repeat I guess.


The current reigning Queen of Soul, despite being in her late 50’s. Eff your neo-soul.

Keep up with Robbie’s weekly ‘No Country for Old (Rap) Men’ here.