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Weekly updates

RU - Aubrey Graham > Drake

Thanks to some kind work from Long Island rap veteran Grand Daddy IU (who I’ve previously crowned as The King of Twitter), I was able to witness the YouTube gold that is Aubrey Graham’s episode of Degrassi Un-Scripted, a behind-the-scenes look at the lives of the teen stars of Canada’s most beloved high school drama series. Let us compare some of his choice quotables with the work of his rapping alter-ego, Drake…

Aubrey: “This is my baby… I guess. It’s an 2004 Acura TSX. It’s a nice first car for a TV star I guess, as opposed to a Mercedes or BMW. That’s pretentious, personally.”

Drake: “I tried to told you, Drizzy still ain’t nothing nice / Bracelets sayin’ ‘you should quit’, cars saying ‘fuck your life’.”

Aubrey: “Me and my grandma have a little thing where my mom doesn’t let her eat chocolate, but my grandma slides me a little extra cheddar on the side and I make sure she gets her daily chocolate dose.”

Drake: “You know that they ain’t even got it like that / You gon’ hype me up and make me catch a body like that..”

Aubrey: “At the end of the day, that’s material possessions. That’s not what I’m about.”

Drake: “Money counter go burrr, when you sellin’ out the Garden / Four car garage, pornstar ménage.”

Aubrey: “Been a mess since every girl I left went and got a new man / But I’m the new version of Fresh Prince / And the Bears got bumped forreal / I switch wifey every season like Uncle Phil.”

Drake: “21 years I’ve been pimping since being / Repurchased trap music four times since then /Seamless transition I’m the new Fresh Prince.”

Aubrey: “Ali, he’s one of my best friends, on Radio Free Rosco, which is a great show by the way.”

Drake: “No new friends, no new friends, no new friends, no, no new.”

Aubrey: “This is one of the nicest letters I’ve ever received from anybody. He feels that I could complete the trifecta of the greatest African-American actors of all-time – in other words, Sydney Poitier, Denzel Washington – and he says the third addition would be Aubrey Graham.”

Drake: Biggest film role to date = Ice Age: Continental Drift as the voice of Ethan.

Aubrey: “Les Mis is the first thing that people actually… liked, I guess, and people actually came to see and clapped for good reason.”

Drake: According to The Smoking Gun, his tour rider insists that he is provided with: “A bottle of Pinot Grigio, (4) dozen natural scented incense sticks, Dr. Bronner’s peppermint soap and Andis T-Outliner trimmers”. 

Evelyn Sher (Aubrey’s late grandmother): “From Toronto to Tennessee / A-Town to stay down… Ohhh Kay, kay, kay! New Drake album coming soon!”

Drake: “I done kept it real from the jump / Living at my mama’s house, we’d argue every month!”

Clearly, based on this highly scientific comparison, young Aubrey was an earnest young man with dreams to change the world for the better through his work in the studio and the silver screen, while grown-up Drake is a narcissistic douche who takes boxes of money to strip clubs to make it rain while wearing leather sweat pants. You be the judge.

Keep up with Robbie’s weekly ‘No Country for Old (Rap) Men’ here.