Old Man Rap and Grown Man Rap. There seems to be some confusion regarding the difference between these recently identified sub-genres. Old Man Rap should never be confused with Grown Man Rap, even though they may appear to be similar at first glance. Old Man Rap is primarily the arena of previously great rappers who are well past their prime but insist on still making music just as an excuse to get away from wifey for the afternoon and sink a few cold ones with the fellas.

Two prime examples of Old Man Rap are the new group formed by the Beatnuts and the Alkaholiks, tastefully named Liknuts. Their Grumpy Crocodile single is basically a bucket list of Gran Torino style complaints set to a rambling beat. Good times, right?

Meanwhile, Public Enemy’s new RLTK video features DMC for a near-prehistoric rap performance. Chuck D was already an old head when he started rapping in the 80’s, which makes him official Grandpa status now, but thanks to a block-rocking 808 track courtesy of Johnny Juice, the song manages to come off like a chick’s fake hair extensions in a nightclub cat fight.

Grown Man Rap is basically anyone who was dope in the 1990s and can still hold their own against the young ‘uns. They can actually justify rapping as their main reason for existence. Prime examples being Sean Price, Sadat X, Roc Marciano, Black Thought, Grand Daddy IU, Nas and Ghostface. Actually rapping about boring ‘mature’ topics such as paying off your mortgage and cutting down on fried foods doesn’t count.

Where does this leave Jay-Z? S Dot Carter and Diddy occupy the Yacht Rap category, a genre which is reserved for old dudes who realised that just rapping never got anybody corporation rich so they smartened the eff up and diversified their portfolios. Any questions?