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OO - Don't be a ball-breaker

Women give men a run for their money in this modern day when it comes to, well, everything. Hillary Clinton has her beady little eye on that seat in the Whitehouse, Lena Dunham, creator of hit TV show Girls is winning all the awards, Kris Jenner is basically the head of the media mafia, and did someone mention Beyoncé? I mean, who run the world? I know these are pretty much all pop-culture references but I’m not going to pretend like I know any better. Anyway, my point is that women have begun to really sit up and take notice of their self-worth and their intense ability to manipula– err, I mean, influence. My grandfather’s second wife once said to me, ‘Tammy, your grandfather may be the head of the family, but I am the neck that turns the head.’

The question is this: as women decide to brush off their shoulder pads and embrace the term ‘power woman’, are we emasculating dudes? The fact of the matter is that unless a guy was brought up around strong women, he may not feel very comfortable with an undiluted version of a chick who is gung-ho about achieving her aspirations and refuses to conform to society’s standards of what a woman’s role should be in the home, in the workplace or in a relationship. This is my second column about feminism and I feel strongly on the matter. I am not meaning to be all, ‘Aww, poor little fellas!’ but I think it is important to inspire the Adams of the world to step up rather than to smother them with our amazingness and make them feel like they are now irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. We did give them the apple in the first place, you know.

Women should stand proud and tall. I think that we should hold a combination of compassion of the princess and the ambition of the evil witch. ‘Well rounded’ is a good term. We cannot flip the script and start oppressing men in order to make ourselves the new leaders. Look where ‘monkey see, monkey do’ has gotten us so far! We don’t want to start wearing the trousers; we just want to be able to wear what we want without being seen as a trophy wife or having our tits leered at. We’ve got to take the fellas to puppy school instead of rubbing their noses in their messes and whacking them with newspaper. How can we force them to put their tails between their legs when we find weakness such an undesirable trait in a man?

It’s a liberating time to be a woman! Don’t ruin it by being a bitch. Just like we are sensitive about comments on our looks because so many of us are conditioned to believe that our looks are our biggest asset, men are typically really sensitive about what they do for a living because they have been conditioned to believe that that is theirs. So be sensitive when it comes to discussing what they do for a living. Also, it’s awesome that we are getting somewhere in terms of equality when it comes to earnings and yet some of us still turn our noses up when we discover we earn more than our partners. Another wack thing to do is to abuse your position as a woman. Don’t wheel out the tears and play the submissive game just to get your way. Grow up and stop taking the piss. The same applies to intentionally asking someone bigger and stronger than your boyfriend to lift something for you or take the lid off the jar. He sees you flirting with the plumber missy! We don’t like it when they mention girls with better tits and they don’t like it when we mention guys with better arms. Men have feelings too!

Do not abuse your pussy power. Use it wisely otherwise, it is going to bite you in the ass and you will just get a reputation for being a bitch. And while we’re on the subject, every time a woman talks in a baby voice a feminist loses her wings.

Keep up with The Obnoxious Owl’s weekly ‘Shooting from the Hip’ column here.