Weekly updates:

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Weekly updates

OO - Fuck on, we're empty I saw the ‘FUCK OFF WE’RE FULL’ stickers before I even moved to Australia and before I really got what they were about, I found them to be quite funny. I think I saw the funny side because at the time in South Africa there was this mass exodus happening and I thought you guys were fed up with us coming over and taking your jobs and being better than you at cricket and rugby. Only when I got here did I realise that, no, you don’t just mean our arrogant asses, you actually mean everyone who wasn’t born here. And when I say you, I mean racists. Not all Aussies think this way, just mainly the prime minister and a few people that others refer to as ‘bogans’.

I feel kind of weird calling people bogans ‘cause I’m not Australian. I feel like it is one of those scenarios where it’s like, ‘Hey pal, we can make fun of them, but don’t you make fun of them with your foreign tongue!’ But damn, have you googled the term ‘bogan’ recently? Get this, Wikipedia explains that a bogan is “an individual who is recognised to be from an unsophisticated background,” and we can leave it to ol’ Urban Dictionary to bring out the big guns: “A fascinating beast. The majority of the species are hideously repugnant and unintelligent, and yet they manage to breed in ever-increasing numbers” … and that is just the beginning.

While I think that, yes, bogans might have accents that are like nails down a chalkboard and drink VBs before 10.00 am, it is not always bogans that have the ‘FUCK OFF WE’RE FULL’ stickers on their utes; they just enjoy the um, simple things in life. Anyone can be a racist. Stupid people just don’t know that they should really keep their toxic views a secret.

What is actually funny about the ‘FUCK OFF WE’RE FULL’ slogan is that it is just not true. There is heaps of space here! So much so that nobody finds it vital to KEEP LEFT ON ESCALATORS. And I hardly ever stand in a queue that is more than five people deep. Not to mention the baby bonus, which is made up of 13 fortnightly instalments to help with costs of your newborn paid to you by the government. This obviously means that people are being encouraged to reproduce. And why would we encourage this? Because we’ve got room for more.

And may I just stand here on my soapbox and remind you that entering somewhere and closing the door in the face of the people behind you is just bad manners. But then, we know that racists who shout about being racists don’t have any manners. Because that would mean that they are aware of ideas of mindfulness and being respectful of their fellow people, but they just don’t do practice them.

Australia Day is this weekend – a whole day off work just to celebrate ourselves. Myself too, I guess, as I am applying for citizenship this year. People are so on the fence about this celebration and it’s sad to see people feeling a little ashamed about celebrating their life in this great country, all because of a few boneheads that are undesirable ambassadors. All I can say is, don’t worry mate – every nation has them. Just be grateful that yours are easy to spot because they walk around with telltale tattoos and bumper stickers.

So let’s kick back and party – all are welcome.

Keep up with The Obnoxious Owl’s weekly ‘Shooting from the Hip’ column here.