I contemplated whether I was going to actually type the words ‘nigga’ and ‘faggot’ here. And, as you can see, I have decided to proceed. I figure saying ‘the n word’ is just a cop-out because I’m thinking it, whether I say the whole word or not. Same with ‘faggot’. Besides, the F-word means ‘fuck’.

The reason I’m dropping the words in full is that I’m not using them in a context of hate or malice. Isn’t that what it all boils down to? Context? Kanye and Jay can have a song about niggas in Paris because they’re allowed to. They are men of colour and the term was a label given to them, which they have decided to use as they please. And they have done so, along with many in their rap cohort, by taking the hate out of it and turning it into a term of endearment. I could go on about the topic but I’ll let Chris Rock do the honours and I’ll let Louis C.K. handle ‘faggot’, because anything I say would just be a diluted version of what they do.

Now onto other alleged terms of endearment… bitches, hoes, sluts and whores. I did some research on the matter (a poll on Facebook) and opinion was split three ways: some hate it and hate rap music because of it, others hate the words but love the music and therefore feel conflicted and the rest love it all!

Am I putting these words in the same category as other hateful terms such as ‘nigger’ and ‘faggot’? Why of course I am! Before black people were lynched in the twenties, the word ‘nigger!’ was called out as the horse was kicked out from under them. ‘Faggot!’ was yelled before a gay man had his head kicked in by ignorant yobs. And women to this day are called any of the aforementioned names before they are raped. All of these words have been designed to belittle and to make the victim feel worthless and disposable… which is probably why girls who like to be submissive in bed enjoy such labels.

The question is, would we even be discussing whether or not these words are offensive anymore if it wasn’t for rap? Has the music made these words more popular? Yes. Are they glorifying it? Yes. Women are seen as a commodity amongst some men. Nice car, check! Nice clothes, check! Hot bitch on their arm, check! Sometimes it’s hard to remember that these bitches and hoes are human beings with souls.

We can’t stop people from being offended. Hell, we can’t really help being offensive either. Everyone gets offended these days. I am always offended and I am always being offensive. Do I hate that men call us sluts and hoes and bitches? Look, not really. I guess I do when it suits, and when I want to be all ‘on principle’ about it. Context, intonation and the way in which something is delivered is everything. Very rarely do people dare use any of these horrible words in their original context, and we know it. But if we decide to be ‘offended’ because we feel like it just to start a debate is really up to us and how we are feeling on the day.

Back home in South Africa the word ‘kaffir’ was used to describe black people. That word is ugly, shitty and dripping with hate. Basically, it is the South African version of ‘nigger’. And just like the N-word it was more than a racial slur, this word was used openly, even in the most conservative setting, to describe black people. Using this word now in SA is a criminal offence and people have been fined if heard using it as it is classed as “the unlawful, intentional and serious violation of the dignity of another”. Even the ‘fuck everyone and everything’ attitude of South African rap duo Die Antwoord have never let it pass their lips. Maybe apartheid is still fresh and not enough time has passed to allow a song like Kaffirs in Paris to enter the Top 40.

Words are tiny little vessels which carry massive cargo. Hateful words like ‘nigger’ and ‘faggot’ and ‘whore’ and ‘kaffir’ and ‘kiwi’ have become a part of everyday language and, somehow, the hate has been removed from them. It’s like eating a flourless chocolate cake: same impact, less harm, because of the lack of gluten. If we leave out all the words that cause a stir, a debate, then I fear our vocabulary is destined for a beige existence. The line, however, between being provocative and offensive is practically invisible. Therefore, we are to take responsibility for our own tongues.

I will say this: we do live in a time where society has become desensitised and jaded. Nothing shocks anybody anymore, which causes us to seek out excitement and drama. I very much doubt that just any pedestrian uses offensive slurs in it’s original context. Especially in Australia, where we call our friends ‘cunts’ and our enemies ‘mates’.

Tell me, who makes up the rules?

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