For $14.98 plus shipping, you can own the Yeezus album on a clear cassette tape, in a clear case with no artwork. So retro, man. Meanwhile, Eminem has decided to re-issue The Slim Shady LP on tape with a t-shirt to celebrate the… 17th anniversary of its release? Elsewhere, we’ve seen Raekwon’s coveted debut album re-released as a purple shell tape in a fancy box, first-time cassette releases of classic albums such as Marcberg and The LP and a selection of analogue plastic fantastics from indie artists who aren’t trying to spend 10 grand to get some vinyl pressed-up.
Many of the music fans who are copping these tapes don’t actually own a tape deck, Walkman, or even a car old enough to play these cassettes, and simply put them on the shelf to add to their collection of musical fetish items while they listen to a digital version of said release. I still have a Sony Megabass laying around, but I haven’t used it for a couple of years and when I did last load the old girl up with a couple of AA batteries and clipped it onto my belt I realised I was no better than one of those retro-obsessed scenester types who insist that tapes sound so much ‘warmer’ than digital.
Let’s be honest here—cassette tapes are a horrible format. The one thing that they had going for them in the eighties—the fact that they could be used to record your own compilations—was eclipsed by both CD-burners and mini discs, and everything else about them has long been rendered completely useless. There was a time, long ago, when you would buy a record or CD and proceed to record it onto a TDK tape so that you could listen to it on the train while you travelled to school. This was a tedious process which has been superseded by the ability to drag as many albums onto your phone as your memory card can accommodate, or better yet, download that shit on the move.
This same phone doesn’t require you to buy batteries once a week, fast-forward to the start of the b-side or worry about chewing up your tape. Nor does it have an annoying hiss in the background which can be only be slightly reduced by turning on Dolby Noise Reduction (which also has the unfortunate side-effect of taking off all the high end off the drums).
Likewise, as much as I have a soft spot for vinyl, it’s also become an outdated format which is often more trouble than it’s worth. As someone who has spent more money than I care to calculate on twelve-inch singles and LPs since I was 12 years old, my record collection has become something of a burden on me with each passing year. Every time I move house, I have to ensure I have enough space to accommodate my shelves and crates (i.e. an extra room) while also suffering through the incredibly laborious process of physically moving the damn things. With the exception of the few tracks that haven’t been digitally reissued or uploaded to Youtube by someone with more time than sense, they sit there as a constant reminder of how impractical it is to collect enormous pieces of plastic just to listen to some old songs.
The same goes for my extensive CD collection, which was brilliant in 2005 when I could load up the car with my favourite albums but now sit gathering dust, yet another relic of a bygone era. Who in the hell wants to go to the trouble of searching through racks of compact discs when you have everything at your fingertips on your hard drive? Just for bragging rights to pull out a ‘rare’ when a fellow music tragic drops past for some Jameson? Miss me with that.
Granted, some tapes, records and CDs had pretty sweet liner notes and photos, which is a rarity in this digital age, but outside of that, these formats are all outdated pieces of memorabilia to be placed alongside the 8-track, the VHS video tape and the laser disc. I’m not about to throw out my collection, but at the same time I can’t help but envy the generation that never had to experience the bitter disappointment of blowing a month’s pocket money on a trash album or spend $20 on postage only to receive a record that was warped to the point of being unplayable. Proof once again that not everything was really better ‘back in the day.’
Let us embrace our new digital overlords, with their postage stamp-sized artwork and overly compressed mix downs, and enjoy the luxury of a clutter free lounge room free of DVDs, Blu-Rays, 7″s, Betamax videos, Nintendo cartridges, and flexi-discs. I’ll hang on to my old rap magazines though—that’s one outdated medium that I plan on clinging to until the bitter end…
Keep up with Robbie’s weekly ‘No Country for Old (Rap) Men’ here.