Humanity has officially gone too far: stubble-stumped Brooklynites are now paying as much as $7,000 for their very own beard transplant because fuck knows where our species is heading in 2k14. Probably to hell.
New York City doctors have been experiencing growing numbers of ‘hip’ hairless clientele requesting facial follicle assistance, particularly in notorious Brooklyn locales like Bushwick, Park Slope and Williamsburg.
“Whether you are talking about the Brooklyn hipster or the advertising executive, the look is definitely to have a bit of facial hair,” said Dr. Jeffrey Epstein, who has been performing beard transplants for 12 years. Epstein says he used to only perform the procedure, which takes eight hours and requires a general anaesthetic, a handful of times a year but now sees around three patients a week. In other words, it’s a hair-raising epidemic we should all be afraid of.
The styles range from anything between Bon Iver beards and subtle Gosling stubble with the price tag averaging between $3,000 and $8,500. Let that sink in.
Officially done with this planet.
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