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Weekly updates

We all love to hate on Robert Matthew Van Winkle AKA Vanilla Ice. The former motor-cross rider turned Dallas gangster rapper turned international pop-rap superstar turned one-time Madonna toyboy, turned failed movie actor, turned total loser, turned suicide failing, turned hardcore unpopular underground rapper, turned public joke reportedly offered to do pretty much anything to appear in Micheal Bay’s upcoming Ninja Turtles movie but was denied.

After appearing in the generally shitty Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, which Vanilla Ice has publically called “one of the coolest experiences” of his career and the highlight of his life 23 years ago, the owner of what I believe to be the world’s worst website, did eventually get his chance to have another experience with the turtles. In a new commercial for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, where the failed rapper seems to have finally found his station, stacking shelves, Vanilla Ice is shown singing the (thankfully) mostly forgotten “Go Ninja, Go Ninja, GO!”

It’s a strange phenomenon though, the rapper come public figure actually has a lot of cachet, even though at least 75% of it is ironic. He seems to make a pretty good living being that shitty white pop-rapper from the 90s that is still around and probably a bit unhinged. I don’t pay it. I don’t like his beard either.

Matt Derody

More Vanilla Ice

No Country for Old (Rap) Men: Vanilla Ice > Macklemore
Shooting from the Hip: You’re a virgin who can’t drive